


Uncomfortably numb

by BlindBibliophile



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-04
Updated: 2017-01-04
Packaged: 2018-09-14 15:28:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9189401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlindBibliophile/pseuds/BlindBibliophile
Summary: Whatever, it doesn't really matter.





	

He didn't want to die, not really, but didn't have the energy to live either. It was all just too much effort. Sure he could get out of bed, eventually, could eat, although not much, sleep, even if it took forever. But that was just surviving, not living. How do you live anyway, when you can't feel anything? Nothing bad, but nothing good either. Just numbness. He was comfortably numb. Or more uncomfortably numb. It wasn't really comfortable, just boring. Especially after three weeks.  
Of course he knows how to fix this. It's not exactly rocket science. Do things, force yourself, and eventually you will start to feel what you pretend to. You will have feelings. But what happens when that fails? He's been pretending for two weeks and there's no change.  
He's even been going to work this time. Putting on the mask, and who knew how useful that would be, to stop people feeling uncomfortable around him. But it makes no difference.  
There's still no appetite, no tiredness (until his body gives up on him), no zest! There is no reason to live.  
Without emotion life does not exist.  
So how to find it. If pretending doesn't work, what should you do?  
He's always been crap at self-examination and isn't sure it would help anyway. Sure the counselling staved it off, but he was probably in a good space at that time anyway.  
No, the only thing to do is persevere, keep pretending, hope it will get better.  
Even if he knows it won't.  
Even if he knows that's the depression talking.  
The only other option is to let them all down. All those who have tried to help and protect him. He can't do that - it would sap his energy.  
No he must carry on however hard it is. It's the only option.

He will cry on his own and not let anybody see. It would hurt them too much and that can never happen.

**Author's Note:**

> When I first wrote this I thought there was no way it could have been Draco. But after finishing it I realised that the Malfoy steel is there. I'm still not sure it matches, sorry.
> 
> Comments on how to improve this are welcome. It's maybe to close to home.


End file.
